"He seems normal to me..."

One of the most common things I hear when I tell somebody that Oliver has been diagnosed with Autism is, "What? He seems like a regular kid to me. Why do they think he is autistic?"

I have actually felt that something was "wrong" with Oliver since he was very young. As an infant he had many feeding difficulties including delayed sucking and swallowing, he cried often and for long periods, he was near impossible to soothe and he didn't seem to react a lot to different stimuli around him. Between 3-6 months is when I really started to suspect something. He never really cooed or made any noises, besides crying. He only smiled if we worked really hard for it. He almost never laughed. While he didn't respond much to the typical things a baby enjoys, he would smile or laugh for unusual reasons. He especially liked being dressed. He would laugh as his arms were pulled through sleeves. He also loved a lot of rough play. Swinging, tossing, rolling and other very active things could elicit some laughs, but they had to be faster and harder than typical baby play. We now know that Oliver has Sensory Processing Disorder, which commonly occurs with Autism.

Family, friends and even the pediatrician continued to reassure me that everything was fine. As Oliver neared 12 months I waited, quite impatiently, for some indication that he would talk. It just never came. He still wasn't babbling and continued to be a very quiet baby. People often commented on what a serious little man he was. One of the classic red flags for Autsim is the loss of any language. At around 6 months, Oliver began imitating the hand motions for itsy bitsy spider. After a week, he stopped and never did it again. At 12 months, he pointed. After a couple of weeks of naming objects for him, he stopped pointing altogether. His clap would come and go. Now at 21 months, Oliver doesn't mimic gestures or sounds.

So many of his behaviors that concerned me were subtle. I noticed, but most people didn't. Because Oliver is my first and only child, people just thought I had typical first-time mom worries. I definitely did, but I was also very in tune with the quirky baby in my arms.

Today, people still question the diagnosis, because he does appear to be a normal todder. He's willful, loves to climb and slide, tests the rules, throws tantrums and is obcessed with Elmo. What people don't always see is the lack of consistent eye contact, not responding to his name or being spoken to in general, his preference to be alone, rather than joining a group of playing children, his excessive fussiness, repetitive "games" he creates for himself, odd sensory-seeking behaviors like licking every rough surface he can find, and much, much more.

Many people are unaware that Autism is a spectrum disorder. It can affect people very differently, ranging from mild to severe. Some, like Oliver, are very high functioning and for the most part, can blend in. Others, who are lower on the spectrum, may present in a much more classic way - hand flapping, non-communicative, strange behaviors.

So, ultimately, while I am thankful that Oliver appears normal to you, I know that he is really a very special boy who has very special needs.