Finally Learning

It's been over 2 months since Oliver was diagnosed with Autism, and many more months since I suspected he had it. One would think that when your child is diagnosed with some awful malady, you would read every book you could get your hands on and search the web day and night for every bit of information you could find on the disease, its causes and it treatments. The first book I read after he was diagnosed? It was Ayelet Waldman's "Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace." It had nothing to do with Autism, and I read it simply because I heard the author speak at a local synagouge and I liked her. She told lots of great stories, she was funny, entertaining and as she talked about motherhood, she kept it real. Every woman, especially mothers, should read it.

Even before Oliver's diagnosis, I did buy a couple of books on Autism and I browsed them. I even bookmarked a few interesting websites. But for some reason, not until now, have I seriously hunkered down and wanted to learn. I really don't know what was stopping me before. Maybe I was just too lazy. Maybe I was subconciously in denial of the diagnosis, and the symptoms. Maybe I was scared of what I might learn, and what we might have to do. I'm a very observant person and just by having my eyes and ears open had already learned about some of the more common treatments for Autism, and also that there were kids that had so-called "recovered" from their Autism. I've been skeptical. I'm sure it has happened, and does happen to other people. But could it ever happen for me and for my son? I really didn't know.

Something in me has changed though, and I am now feverishly trying to learn and understand all that I can about Autism. It's all I want to do. How can I empty the dishwasher when I can be learning about a biomedical protocol for healing Oliver? How can I walk the dog when I can be studying about how a Gluten/Casein/Complex Sugar free diet might improve Oliver's eye contact, language and mood? How can I go to sleep at night when I could be searching for doctors who might actually want to help heal my son, instead of forgetting to return my calls. Naturally, since all I want to do is learn about Autism right now, it's also all I can talk about. I apologize if you are unfortunate enough to spend time with me right now, but, should you get an earful, I hope that you will be half as excited as I am that there may be hope and healing in the future for this very special boy: