Mayhem Returns

So, I've been on a bit of a hiatus from the blog. I've taken off the end of July, all of August, and the first days of September. This means that I've taken off more time from the blog than I've been blogging in the first place. It's not that I haven't written anything...I have. Some of it will eventually be posted when complete, but others will be deleted because the writing isn't real.

There are a couple reasons why I haven't been posting anything, and I've only recently realized the bigger reasons. The not-so-big reasons are the more obvious ones of being busy, overwhelmed by life's tasks, and so on.

So, what are the bigger reasons? First of all, things have been going generally well for a while now, at least where Oliver is concerned. I tend to be somewhat of a negative person and while I have written about some positive emotions and experiences thus far, I've largely written about the difficulty of my current life and the struggles I face. It's much easier for me to write about the hardship. That's what I know and what I am comfortable with. I'm not good at being happy, or allowing myself to revel in the good times. I want very much to be happy, have fun, and find joy in life but something often holds me back. When I am in a good place of happiness and peace, something keeps me from wanting to share it with others. It's almost as if I have this reputation of being unhappy to uphold, and something terrible would happen if I were not miserable. In the past I've always used the brief and neutral responses of "ok" or "fine" when greeted with the common, "How are you guys doing?" Lately I find myself responding differently. It's the tone that's different more than the words. The words say we're "good," but the tone says, "actually, we're GREAT!" I'm kind of liking this. And what can I say? It feels good to feel good.


The other reason I haven't been posting has to do with truth. I started this blog as a place to record my experiences living the life I've been given and in my very first post, I said that I intended to paint a very honest picture of this life. There are some things I haven't been ready to share with the world, and by not sharing them, I felt like I wasn't being honest. I realize that I could have written about any number of other things and just entertained readers with cute photos, but in doing so, I would have been faking it. It would just have been filler material until I could write what was really on my mind and in my heart. I've come to a point where I am ready to share the parts of my life I couldn't before. Or at least some of them.

One thing you may not know about me is that I am a terrible procrastinator. And with that being said, I'll finish these thoughts tomorrow.